Out of Mind
by CSI4nsicAce
Summary: GSR - Can Sara let him go? - COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining to CSI.  
Please do not repost this story anywhere without my permission.  
Thanks, enjoy._

* * *

Looking around her apartment for anything she might have missed, Sara picked her backpack up off of the floor and slipped it over her shoulder. Though that particular accessory didn't match her current attire, the bag held some clothes and other items that she had not yet brought over to Grissom's place. Sara was wearing a floor length satin burgundy dress that had a gold bead accented v-neckline with spaghetti straps. The intricate back of the dress was covered by a long-sleeved, black jacket that she was wearing to keep herself somewhat concealed until she arrived at Grissom's house. She was wary about the two inch gold stilettos that she had chosen to go with the dress because she hadn't worn them before, but she thought that her ensemble was stunning – stilettos and all. Positive that she had gathered everything she needed, Sara headed out the door, locking it behind her. 

Reaching the stairwell, Sara started down the middle of the stairs, thinking of the surprise that she had planned for Grissom. Since he had gotten called to a 419 with insects, Sara figured she would make a nice dinner for them when he got home. After preparing the basics for what they would need, Sara had left for her apartment to pick up a few things and change for the occasion. _I can't wait to see the look on his face. _Grinning in anticipation, Sara took another step down and felt her heel catch on the front of the step. Losing her balance, her knee connected with another step, and she fell down the last few steps to the landing, instinctively reaching her arms out to try to catch her fall.

Sara lay still for a moment, trying to find her bearings and hoping that no one had witnessed her potentially embarrassing debut in the stilettos. She heard footsteps running in her direction, so she knew that she couldn't have been so lucky. "Sara, dear, are you okay?" her overanxious landlord asked, out of breath from the short trek from her apartment.

Sprawled out on the floor, her backpack had fallen around her elbow, and her head leaned against the cold tile. Trying to push herself up with her hands, Sara hissed at the pain in her wrist. "Mrs. Harrington, I'm fine," Sara tried to reassure her landlord after getting herself into a sitting position, cradling her right arm against her chest.

Mrs. Harrington offered her hand to Sara so she would be able to help her off of the floor. As a force of habit, Sara stuck out her right hand but then reconsidered and grabbed Mrs. Harrington's hand with her left. "You injured your right wrist," Mrs. Harrington stated, getting a glimpse of the slight swelling peaking out of the cuff of Sara's jacket.

"It's alright," Sara replied, getting to her feet with Mrs. Harrington's assistance.

Now on her feet, Sara tested her other joints, making sure she didn't injure anything else. Confident that she was in fact in one piece, Sara picked her backpack up off of the floor and put it back on. "Mrs. Harrington, I really should get going," Sara stated, intent upon getting herself over to Grissom's house before he got home.

Taking another step in her stilettos, Sara needed to lean against the wall for support when her knee started to protest. Unfortunately, Mrs. Harrington would not retreat to her apartment. "Sara, I think you should head over to Desert Palm and get yourself checked out," Mrs. Harrington advised, "you know about these injuries; you ignore them now, and they'll haunt you down the road. My old bones can certainly attest to some past incidents."

"Mrs. Harrington, really, I'm fine," Sara emphasized, not having the patience to deal with the woman when she wanted to leave.

"You know what; I'll drive you over there myself. I want to make sure that you're okay, and you shouldn't be driving with that wrist," Mrs. Harrington stated, taking charge, "do you want to get changed so you can actually walk? Those dancer shoes are horrible for anyone to try to walk in."

"This really isn't necessary."

"Humor an old woman and get yourself checked out. You don't need to worry about the gas because I'm driving, and if there isn't a huge holdup at the hospital, I should have you home in no time."

_I don't need to be here; I need to be at Grissom's. I might as well just go along with her because she's never going to let me forget this otherwise. _"Alright, Mrs. Harrington. Let me get changed quick, and then we can go," Sara conceded.

"What do you need from your apartment?"

"Nothing, I've got a change of clothes in my bag."

"Okay. You can get changed in my apartment, then we'll leave. Come on," Mrs. Harrington stated, grabbing Sara's arm to support her and walk her down to her apartment.

_This is the last time I wear these damn shoes._

* * *

Now sitting in the Desert Palm waiting room in jeans, a black t-shirt, and sneakers, Sara held an icepack against her wrist. She had been waiting for over an hour and a half, and she was beginning to regret her decision of appeasing the older woman. _Oh well, I better call Grissom and tell him where I am. _Sara pulled out her cell phone and speed dialed the familiar number, but she was greeted by voicemail. Calling his house granted her the same result. _Maybe today is my lucky day, and he got caught up in the case. That'll grant me a little more time. Yeah, luck, right. _"Ms. Sidle?" a nurse entered the triage area and called out the name from the form on her clipboard. 

"I'll be back soon," Sara told Mrs. Harrington while gingerly removing herself from the chair.

"Don't worry, dear; I'll be here waiting for you," Mrs. Harrington replied, shooing her toward the nurse with her hands.

Sara nodded and followed the nurse back to a curtain within the emergency room.

* * *

"As soon as you're dressed, I'll walk you down for an x-ray of your wrist," the nurse spoke after the doctor had left the curtained room. 

Sara nodded to show that she understood. Although she had a large bruise on her knee, the doctor had proclaimed that that was all that it was – a bruise. However, the doctor wanted to take x-rays of her wrist to see if she had broken anything. "Before I get you down there, is there any chance that you might be pregnant?" the nurse asked.

_Pregnant? _"No, I'm on birth control," Sara answered, shaking her head.

"Do you take your pills regularly?" the nurse further pried.

"I have forgotten to take them on occasion when I'm in the middle of a tough case," Sara admitted.

"Well, let's do a quick pregnancy test to make sure. Then I'll be able to bring you down to x-ray."

Sara sighed and sat back down on the gurney. _I just want to get out of here and over to Grissom's._

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

'Grissom, if you get home and you're looking for me, I went home. Tonight's my night off, so I'm trying to get some sleep.'

Turning away from the phone, Grissom looked back toward the kitchen. _Home? I thought this was home. _Grissom had taken longer at work than he had expected, and he left for home so he could see Sara before he went back in for nightshift. He would only have an hour and a half to spend with her, but that was better than nothing. Grissom walked over to the stove, lifted the lid on the only pot, and sniffed the contents. _Homemade marinara sauce to go with the box of penne pasta that is sitting there on the counter. Why did she leave? She called me while I was busy, and I didn't answer, and when I called her, she didn't answer. _Grissom walked back over to the phone and played the message again. _Sara doesn't sleep by herself; she says that all of the time. _Grissom picked up the phone and quickly dialed Sara's landline. While the ringing droned in his ear, he repeated his mantra softly aloud. "Sara, come on, pick up the phone. Sara, pick up."

When her answering machine kicked in, he pleaded with her to pick up the phone, but he was met with the same silence. Deciding to head over to her apartment himself, Grissom hung up the phone, picked up his keys, and left his house.

* * *

Although Grissom had called Sara's cell phone a few times on his way over to her apartment, he still hadn't been able to reach her. Entering her apartment building, he was almost to the stairs when a voice called out to him. "Mr. Grissom, how are you?" Mrs. Harrington asked, walking down the hallway to greet him. 

Grissom turned around to see who had addressed him. _Oh, it's Sara's nosy, lonely landlord. _"Mrs. Harrington, I'd like to get up to see Sara; is there anything that you need?" Grissom asked, anxious to get up to Sara, not wanting to deal with pleasantries.

"No, no, there isn't anything that I need. I hope Sara is feeling better now; she took quite a fall before."

"She fell?" Grissom questioned, now more concerned about her safety.

"Yes, we got back from the ER about an hour ago. She was dressed up all fancy like; I assume she was going to meet you. The dear tripped with those stilettos and fell to the landing. Women never should wear those fancy shoes; they're horrible to walk in. Anyhow, she bruised herself up pretty good, and she broke her wrist. I believe she tried calling you, but she didn't get any answer. She was pretty quiet when I brought her back. I made sure she got upstairs safely, and then I said goodnight."

"Alright, thank you, Mrs. Harrington. I should get upstairs to see how she is doing."

"You take good care of her."

Grissom nodded and started ascending the stairs when Mrs. Harrington walked back toward her apartment.

* * *

"Sara, please come to the door; I want to make sure that you're okay," Grissom spoke, knocking on her door a second time. 

"Gil, please," Sara groaned, not wanting to move from her position on the couch, "I'm tired."

"But you can never sleep on your own," Grissom finished for her, "come open the door."

"You have a key," Sara responded.

Fishing the key out of his pocket, Grissom put it in the lock and opened the door the three inches that the chain lock allowed. "Sara, where are you? You need to come to the door," Grissom urged, becoming impatient with the way Sara was avoiding him.

Groaning as she pushed herself off of the couch, Sara got to her feet and walked to the door. "Grissom, you need to close the door so I can open it," Sara spoke, annoyance evident in her voice.

Grissom pulled the door closed, and moments later, Sara reopened the door. At first glance, Sara looked exhausted, and Grissom recognized the pain in her eyes. He stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. "I heard what happened. Are you okay?" Grissom asked, running a hand across her back.

"How do you…oh, Mrs. Harrington," Sara stated, shaking her head, "I'm fine; it just took a lot of time at the ER. Like I said when I called you, I'm tired."

"Apparently I missed you wearing stilettos. I guess we both missed the dinner you had started at home."

"That's the last time I wear those for you. They definitely caused more problems then they were worth. My new dress now also has wonderful scuff marks on it courtesy of the stairs."

"Oh well, as long as you're in practically one piece," Grissom joked.

Pulling away from her and taking her hands in his, Grissom ran his thumb over her cast, momentarily lost in thought. "Are you ready to go _home_?" Grissom emphasized.

"Griss, I can stay here for the night. My car's here; I can drive back to your place in the morning," Sara explained, "What time is it anyway? Don't you have to get to work?"

"Sara, I want to take care of you first. If I have to call in tonight, I will, if it means that you will be okay."

Sara removed her hands from Grissom's and hobbled back over to the couch. She picked up her backpack and pasted a smile on her face before she turned back toward Grissom. "Okay then, I'm ready to leave. You don't have to skip work though; I'll be fine by myself."

Not wanting to argue with her, Grissom took the backpack from Sara and wrapped his arm around her waist. After kissing her forehead, he led her out of her apartment, locking the door behind them.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Grissom leaned in the doorway of his bedroom while Sara undressed, giving her the space that she needed. When she pulled off her jeans, he got a glimpse of her bruised legs. "Does that hurt?" Grissom asked, pointing to an especially large bruise that adorned her knee.

Sara shrugged her shoulders and continued undressing. "A little," she replied, intent upon getting into bed as quickly as possible so she could relax.

"Did you take anything for the pain?"

"Prescription from the hospital. It's supposed to keep my wrist from throbbing," Sara said halfheartedly, trying to deflect the subject and continue with her plan.

"Can I get you anything?" Grissom questioned, feeling helpless as to how to be of assistance given her current mood.

"Grissom, I need…" Sara stated, then paused.

_To talk? To explain? _"Pajamas would be nice," Sara decided, "you know where they are."

Grissom retrieved them and handed them to her. After she changed, he tucked her into bed. "Can I get you anything else?"

"No, I'm fine. You should head off to work so you're not late."

"Sara…"

"Really, Griss, everything will be fine here," Sara assured, "go, go off to work. I'll be here waiting for you when you get home."

"Can you try and get some sleep?"

"Sure, I'll try. Maybe I'll be successful for once."

Grissom smiled and leaned down to give her a brief kiss. Looking into her eyes, he stated, "If you need anything, anything at all, call me, please. Remember, you're number one – I can be here in a moment's notice."

"Grissom, don't worry; I'm just going to be laying here. Go."

"Well, I know when I'm not wanted," Grissom joked.

Sara gave him a small smile, and they shared another brief kiss. "I love you, honey," Grissom spoke, happy that she was indeed safe.

"I love you too, Griss," Sara whispered, and watched him retreat from the bedroom.

After hearing a few more sounds from around the house, she heard Grissom leave the house and close and lock the door behind him. Sara recalled a phrase Grissom had uttered long ago; "_I don't know what to do about this._"

* * *

"Boss, you running kind of late today?" Greg teased when Grissom came into view. 

Grissom looked down at his watch and shook his head. "I've still got ten minutes, Greg, and I got called in earlier today. Why are you waiting outside of my office?" Grissom asked, puzzled by Greg's presence.

"I've got the results from your bug case, hand delivered from Mia," Greg explained, holding up the folder in his hands.

"Greg, you're already a CSI I; you didn't have to get these for me," Grissom stated, questioning his motives.

"Griss, I was going through the lab, and I picked them up for you; that's it. There doesn't always have to be some ulterior motive behind someone's behavior."

"Is there?"

"Is there what?"

"An ulterior motive?"

"No!" Greg exclaimed, handing over the file.

"Thanks Greg. I'll meet you in the break room in five," Grissom spoke, opening and entering his office.

"Anytime, Boss," Greg spoke and took off for the break room.

_Ulterior motives, huh? What brought that on?_

* * *

_Three months. Twelve weeks. Eight weeks to decide, not that I'd ever choose that way out, but eight weeks if I were to choose that avenue of the law. Twenty-eight weeks until I add to the population. I can't do that. Grissom doesn't want to be a parent; it was hard enough for him to accept me into his life. If I had taken the pills on schedule, I wouldn't be in this position in the first place._ Turning over in bed, Sara pulled a pillow to her chest, trying to push her very real problems out of her mind. _If I don't think about it, I won't have to worry about it. If I don't tell him, he won't know. _Sara clung to her irrational thoughts and eventually found temporary solace in sleep.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Pulling herself out of bed, knowing it would be futile to try to get back to sleep, Sara grabbed her robe and a plastic bag and headed for the bathroom. _I need some time to get some things sorted out in my head. _After showering and getting dressed, Sara called a cab and waited outside of the house.

* * *

Looking up upon hearing a knock on the doorframe of his office, Grissom's eyes widened in shock. "Sara, what are you doing here?" he stammered, "How did you get here?" 

"Took a cab, got my car, and drove," Sara stated nonchalantly.

Sara walked into his office, closed the door, and sat in a chair across from his desk. "What was so important that you had to come in in the middle of shift, on your day off, nonetheless?" Grissom questioned.

"I want to take a week of vacation," Sara explained.

_You, someone who I would normally have to force to take vacation, want to take a vacation? _"Where do you plan on going?" Grissom asked.

"San Francisco," Sara spoke, keeping her answers short and to the point in order to follow through with her plan.

"Have you gotten our tickets yet?"

"I'm driving, and you're not coming," Sara said curtly.

A frown crept into Grissom's forehead, and he looked at his desk while he contemplated what might be going on. "Sara, do we need to talk? Is there something wrong?"

"No, I just came to my _boss _as his _employee _to see if I could use some of my vacation days," Sara emphasized.

"Well, technically I am not your _boss_, and if you wish to enquire about your vacation days, I suggest you go see Catherine," Grissom snipped and turned his chair away from her.

Sara mirrored his scowl and rose from her chair. Withholding her spiteful words, she glared at Grissom's back and stamped out the door.

* * *

Leaving Catherine's office, where she had luckily been able to find the woman, Sara poked her head into Grissom's office. He still had his back to the door, and he held his hand to his head. "Grissom, Catherine approved my vacation, so I'm going to leave tonight," Sara spoke. 

Grissom turned around and met her eyes. "From here?" he asked.

"I was planning on it."

"Let me walk you out to your car," Grissom stated, getting up from his chair and coming around the desk.

Grissom lightly squeezed Sara's left hand and led her out of his office.

* * *

"Can you call me when you get settled in?" Grissom asked, holding Sara's hands. 

"Sure, it'll probably be a while though. It's almost a ten hour trip if I stop somewhere along the way," Sara stated.

"Should you really be driving with that wrist?" Grissom questioned skeptically, running a finger along the cast.

"Grissom, I'll be fine. And before you ask, I am fine; I want to take this vacation so I can use the time to decompress," Sara explained.

"Is there something bothering you? There isn't some other reason that you're taking this trip, is there? Are you trying to hide something from me?"

"Grissom!" Sara groaned exasperatedly.

"Alright, have a safe trip and take care," Grissom spoke, pulling her close and giving her a tender kiss, "I love you."

"I'll call you," Sara said, squeezing his hands one last time and turning around to open her car door.

Once he saw Sara leave the parking lot, Grissom retreated to the lab. _Why is she doing this? Ulterior motives? Get a grip; she's finally taking the vacation that she needs._

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

"Gil, what did you do?" Catherine asked, starting to interrogate him as soon as he got back to his office.

Grissom unlocked his office and ushered Catherine inside. Catherine, however, didn't need the invitation, for she was prepared to barge in no matter what. "Close the door," Grissom stated, passing through his office and settling in behind his desk.

"Why did you send her to me, Gil? Why?" Catherine started her assault of questions.

"Catherine, you are in charge of stuff like that," Grissom tried to reason with her.

"But you always handle those things and then report to me as to what you have decided. You could have told her that she could have her vacation," Catherine explained, frustrated that she couldn't get through to him.

"I figured that she should check in with you," Grissom said lamely.

"Grissom, maybe you don't see my point here. Why is she taking a vacation while you're staying here?"

"Because she is a grown woman, and she can do what she wants, Catherine. She said she wants to take the week to relax, and if she can accomplish that alone, I'd like to let her do that."

"That's a bunch of bull, Gil. It has got to be driving you crazy that she just up and decided to take a vacation."

"If that's what she needs, I can let her go."

"Gil, you don't want to let her go," Catherine spoke, trying to bring him back to his senses.

_You can't handle letting her go._

* * *

Sara sat on her living room couch, sipping a glass of orange juice and watching a repeat of a home decorating show. She glanced down at her cell phone and read the illuminated screen. _Eight hours until I can call and tell him that I arrived in San Francisco. Like one trip by this apartment wouldn't show him that I'm not in San Francisco; I never was going to leave. Seven hours, and I could end this all forever. With one phone call I could set up the appointment and be rid of this problem. But I wouldn't do that, so now I just need to lay here and forget. Think about what color to paint Grissom's bedroom and forget._

* * *

'Griss, it's me. I made it here okay, and everything's fine. Call my cell if you need anything. Bye.' 

Trying to reply to Sara's message, Grissom called her cell phone, but he didn't receive any answer. Deciding it might be better to try and call later while he was at work, Grissom hung up the phone and walked into the bathroom to shower. _I hope you get your rest, Sara because we need to talk when you get back. I'm ready for you to paint this place._

* * *

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror putting his shirt on, something on the shelf beside him caught his eye. Deciding that the buttons on his shirt could wait, Grissom picked up the small, round, black case and opened it. _Sara forgot her birth control. Did she leave it behind on purpose? Of course not, she just forgot it. Catherine is making me neurotic._

* * *

After taking his mid-shift break, Grissom headed back to his office to call Sara. _She told me she always keeps the same schedule whenever she takes time off. I hope she's not too tired from driving._ When Sara answered the phone, Grissom smiled upon hearing her voice. "How's your vacation, Sara?" Grissom questioned. 

Sara chuckled. "I'm pretty tired right now; I haven't gotten to do much yet. How's the lab?" Sara asked, diverting the attention from her.

"Doing just fine without you," Grissom joked.

"Oh, are you saying I'm expendable?" Sara played along.

"Well, you've been gone for a day, and the world hasn't fallen apart…yet."

"Very funny."

Grissom smiled at her apparent joviality. "How's the weather?"

"Dark and cool. I haven't seen much of the daylight since I got here."

"What are you planning on doing?"

"Decompressing, just like I told you."

_Good. _"Hmm, did you realize that you left your pills here?"

"I have my pain meds with me; I just took them a little while ago because I couldn't take them while I was driving."

"Well, it's good you have those with you, but you left your birth control in the bathroom."

_Damn. Sidle, come up with a reason. Ah, I know, the doctor's words will actually come in handy for something. _"I had to start a new pack, so I have that one with me. Don't worry, everything's taken care of," Sara explained, concocting her story as she talked.

_Why would she have to do that? _"Did you miss a day?" Grissom asked, concerned about the effectiveness.

"A couple, that's why I had to start a new pack."

"Sara…" Grissom started in warning.

"Grissom, don't worry; I've got this under control. Now, it's the middle of shift, shouldn't you be working?" Sara stated, changing the subject.

_Great, she changed the subject. _"Alright, Sara, I'll let you go, but make sure you take your pills. I don't need to remind you that…"

_You don't want kids, and you never have wanted them. Believe me, I know. _"No, I don't need reminding. Have a good shift," Sara said tersely.

"I'll talk to you later, Sara," Grissom spoke before hanging up the phone.

_What is going on with you?_

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

Driving back to the lab after a trip out for dinner, Nick passed by Sara's apartment building. _Now that's odd. Sara has been on a road trip for four days; why is her car in the parking lot?_ Deciding that that discovery warranted further investigation, Nick turned around at a gas station and drove back to Sara's apartment complex. After parking his vehicle in the small parking lot, Nick walked into the building and ascended the stairs. He knocked on Sara's door and waited for some sort of response. When all he received was silence, Nick decided to knock on the door again. "Sara, I see your car outside; I just want to make sure that you're okay," Nick spoke, trying a different tactic.

Still not receiving a reply, Nick banged on the door, knowing that she was most likely inside of the apartment. He simultaneously called her cell phone and heard it ring on the other side of the door. _Okay, that pretty much confirms that she's in there. _"Sara, come on, come to the door. I just want to talk to you," Nick bartered.

Concerned about the apparent commotion in the hallway, Mrs. Harrington exited a room at the end of the hallway and walked toward Nick. "Can I help you?" Mrs. Harrington asked, wanting to bring peace back to her apartment building.

"I just wanted to talk to Sara," Nick explained, although he didn't know who he was talking to, "And you are?"

"Evelena Harrington, Sara's landlord. I've seen you around here before; you work with her, right?" Mrs. Harrington asked.

Nick was surprised by how much the woman knew about him given the fact that he had never seen her before. _The walls have eyes. _"Yes, my name is Nick Stokes; I work with Sara at the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I saw Sara's car outside, so I thought she was here," Nick explained.

"She is here. She's been here for about the past four or five days – ever since she broke her wrist. I figured she was taking some sick days or something because she's usually at work or with Mr. Grissom. I thought it was strange that she's been here all this time, and I haven't seen him at all."

Mrs. Harrington fell silent as she tried to contemplate the circumstances once again. Nick's eyes widened as he started to realize that Sara's vacation was a hoax. Exuding an extreme calmness, Nick turned back toward the door again. "Thank you, Mrs. Harrington," Nick said quietly before knocking on Sara's door again.

"Anytime," Mrs. Harrington replied and walked back to the apartment that she was working on redecorating.

"Sara, it's Nick; I know you're in there," Nick called out, "please come to the door so we can talk."

A few moments later, Nick heard the chain slip out of its lock, and Sara opened the door. She was clad only in a bathrobe, and another towel was wrapped on top of her head. "Sorry, Nick, I hope you haven't been waiting long. I just got out of the shower. What brings you here anyway? I didn't think anyone knew that I got back already, given the fact that I only arrived here about an hour ago," Sara rambled.

"You'd be surprised how much your landlord knows," Nick pointed out, his voice slightly cold, "I saw your car in the parking lot, and I didn't expect you back for another couple of days, so I figured I'd investigate and see if everything was alright."

"Well, everything's fine; I just decided to come back a few days early. Why don't you come on in, and I'll go get dressed," Sara stated, backing up from the door so Nick could enter her apartment.

Nick walked into Sara's apartment, and Sara closed the door. "Make yourself at home," Sara spoke and gestured to the couch, "I'll be out in a few minutes."

Nick sat down on the couch, and Sara disappeared into her bedroom. _What are you hiding?_

* * *

"Nick, can I get you anything?" Sara inquired when she returned in eggplant lounge pants and a grey tank top. 

"No, I just came by to see how your trip went. What did you do anyway?" Nick asked, trying to get some information out of her.

Sara sat in the chair beside her couch. "I spent a lot of time resting," Sara explained, "I watched some movies and got a lot of sleep."

"You were in San Francisco, and you didn't go to the beach?" Nick questioned, "I find that highly unlikely."

"The weather wasn't that nice, and I didn't go to San Francisco to lay on the beach; that's not my kind of thing," Sara said, continuing her story.

Nick had had enough of the run around, and he wanted to get to the reason why Sara had stayed behind in Vegas. "Why did you leave Grissom here? Why not take a romantic vacation with him?"

"All I wanted to do was relax. If I wanted to go on a romantic getaway, I could have just stayed here," Sara spoke, realizing the veracity of her words too late.

"You've been here all week, Sara," Nick stated, avoiding any more small talk, "what's going on? What can I do to help you?"

Sara's face dropped when she realized he knew the truth, but she couldn't bring herself to give him the courtesy of the truth. "I just got back from San Francisco, Nick; I don't know what you're talking about. Ask…" Sara managed to say before Nick cut her off.

"Your landlord? She told me you've been here all week," Nick snapped, "Drop the charade, Sara. What is going on? Does Grissom know you're here?"

When Sara's face fell further, Nick knew that he was probably the first one to figure out where she was. "What's wrong, Sara? This isn't like you," Nick said, dropping the anger from his tone and becoming more concerned.

_Think, Sidle. _"I needed some time off," Sara explained, getting up from the chair to put some distance between Nick and herself, "I've spent the last couple of days here, enjoying my solitude and decompressing. Is that what you want to know, Nick?"

"Is that the truth, or is that what you want me to hear?" Nick countered, "Why the big farce, Sara? What is bothering you so much that you couldn't tell Grissom, or anyone else, that you were just staying here?"

"I needed some time to think. I don't know about you, but I don't think very well when the thought of someone banging on my door is in the back of my mind," Sara snipped.

"Are you and Grissom having problems? I was under the impression that things were going wonderfully," Nick stated, trying to come up with a reason why Sara would be acting so cryptically.

"No! Grissom and I are happy; everything is fine," Sara denied Nick's idea.

"Sara, clue me in here," Nick said, trying to reason with her, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say this looked like you were cheating on Grissom."

"Well, I'm not, so you can get that thought out of your head," Sara barked.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"What?"

"That you lied to him."

"I'll tell him that I'm back."

"You never left!"

"Nick, let me run my life. There is a good reason for all of this, and I do have to say, it's personal. It is something that is between Grissom and myself, and I do not feel comfortable discussing it with you. The only thing I ask is that you use your discretion and keep this to yourself."

"Sara, why? Why all this mess?"

"Because he doesn't want this," Sara said cryptically.

Sara's uninjured hand drifted across her stomach, but the meaning was lost on Nick. Nick got up off of the couch and moved to pull Sara into a hug. "If you need a couple more days off, you should take them," Nick spoke, rubbing Sara's back, "Just get this straightened out between you and Griss so you can be happy again. If you need a friend, or you just need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thanks, Nick," Sara replied, hugging him back, "I just need some time to deal with a few things. Don't you need to get back to work?"

Nick stepped away from Sara, looked at his watch, and realized that his dinner break had gotten a bit long. "Yeah. Sar, if you need anything…"

"I'll call. And don't worry about Griss, I'll meet him at his house after shift."

"Okay, be safe."

Sara nodded. "You too. Bye, Nick."

"Bye."

Nick left the apartment, and Sara chained the door. She poured herself a glass of orange juice from the refrigerator and lounged on the couch. Her free hand found its way to her stomach, and her mind wandered. _I can't end this. When he finds out, he will end us. Can I stand being alone? Can I take that? _Sara removed her hand from her stomach and set her glass of orange juice on the coffee table. _Could he let me go?_

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

When Grissom opened the door to his house after shift, he found Sara sitting in his living room. "Honey?" Grissom said softly, unsure as to why she was there but knowing that he was glad to have her back.

Sara looked up from a seemingly important random point on the floor and gave Grissom a small smile. "Hi," Sara spoke about the same volume that Grissom did.

Grissom locked the door and slowly made his way into the living room to sit next to Sara on the couch. Grissom wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his side. "You're back early; how was your trip?" Grissom asked.

"I didn't have a very good time, so I decided I would come back early," Sara stated.

"Is everything okay? Are you okay?" Grissom spouted, immediately becoming more concerned.

"Calm down. I'm fine; everything is fine," Sara assured.

"Are we okay?" Grissom questioned, wary of the way they had departed.

Sara slid her arm around Grissom's back so she could be closer to him. "I told you I needed to decompress, and I did. I'd say we're doing pretty well," Sara decided.

"I missed you," Grissom said, leaning in to trail kisses down her exposed neck.

"I missed you to," Sara replied, meeting his lips and taking the opportunity to distract him so they wouldn't have to talk about her absence.

_If I keep this up, we won't have to talk about this for a while. Maybe I can forget. If I don't think, I'll forget._

* * *

Lying in each other's arms following their reuniting, Grissom trailed his fingers over Sara's arm while Sara's mind wandered. _Well, I might as well ask him again so I can be sure._ "Gil, have you ever thought about kids?" Sara asked, burrowing closer to Grissom's chest. 

"I thought we talked about this," Grissom said distantly, obviously starting to succumb to sleep, "At this point in my life, I don't really see the need for kids. I have you; that's all I need."

_That's what you said the last time too. _"I need you too, Gil," Sara admitted.

"Sara, you can take over, you can paint my bedroom," Grissom stated, "Make it our bedroom. I want you to stay here."

Sara heard Grissom's breath's even out with sleep. _I want to stay here too, but I have to let you go. You can't take this, so I'll have to let you go._

* * *

"What color do you want to paint it?" Grissom inquired over coffee later that evening. 

"Grissom, I don't need to paint your bedroom," Sara admitted.

"Our bedroom," Grissom corrected, nudging her foot under the table.

"Grissom, we need to talk about that," Sara stated, effectively diving head first into one of her issues.

"What is there to talk about?" Grissom questioned, looking up at her, "You're moving in, so it's our bedroom."

"Don't you think you are making one major assumption there?" Sara asked, and when Grissom still looked at her in puzzlement, she continued, "I never said I was going to move in with you."

A look of pain shot through Grissom's face, but he quickly masked it. "You practically live here already. I assumed…" Grissom started, but stopped when he realized what he was about to say.

"What is this really about?" Grissom questioned, worried that she might be distancing herself from him.

"I want to keep my apartment," Sara blurted.

"Okay," Grissom stated, "I don't see why you would want it, but if it makes you happy to keep it, go ahead."

"Really?" Sara said skeptically, surprised that he would be so understanding about something like that.

"Sara, I don't know why you're so concerned about this, but if you're worried about me leaving, you shouldn't be. I'm not going anywhere, but if you want to keep your apartment, you should," Grissom explained.

"Why don't we wait a little while on the painting? I'm not sure what color would be best yet, and you should help pick it out."

"You were so excited about redecorating my room before when I said I would think about letting you touch it. Where did all that sparkle go?"

"It's there, Griss; I'm just not sure what I want to do with it yet."

"Okay, when you decide what you want to do, go for it," Grissom instructed.

Falling silent for a few minutes, Grissom and Sara continued sipping their coffees. "You're staying here tonight, right?" Grissom inquired.

"No, I figured I'd come in to work. I'll make sure I talk to Catherine when I get in," Sara stated.

"You sure you're up for it?" Grissom questioned, wanting to make sure that her vacation had allowed her some time to decompress.

"Yeah," Sara replied, giving him a small smile.

"Can we drive in together?" Grissom asked bashfully.

"Of course," Sara easily answered.

"Well, I can be ready in ten."

"Give me twenty, and I'll be good to go," Sara returned, got up from the table, and wandered into the bedroom.

A smile tugged at the corners of Grissom's lips as Sara walked away. _She seems happy; I hope everything's okay now._

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Sitting in the locker room after putting her jacket away, Sara's mind began to wander again. _You need to tell him. If he says he can't take it, then you can let him go. I don't want to let him go. Just tell him the truth so he doesn't let you go._ "Hey, Sara, how was your trip?" Greg asked, popping into the locker room.

Sara's head snapped up as her thoughts diminished once again. "A lot shorter then I had planned," Sara admitted, "Listen, Greg, I need to go talk to Grissom, but I'll see you at assignments, okay?"

"Sure. It's good to see you back," Greg stated.

Sara gave him a small smile. "I never can seem to get away from this place for long," Sara answered.

_Not that I'd ever want to._ Closing her locker, Sara got up from the bench and headed for Grissom's office.

* * *

"Wow, we've parted for ten minutes, and you're back already," Grissom teased when Sara appeared in his doorway. 

"I want to make breakfast for you after shift," Sara stated matter-of-factly.

"Okay. Did something happen in the past ten minutes that you thought of this suddenly?" Grissom asked.

"Not really. I just want to be able to spend some time and talk with you after shift, if that's okay with you," Sara hedged.

"That's fine, as long as you don't poison me with some crazy concoction," Grissom joked.

"Ha, ha. I'll meet you in the break room," Sara spoke and left his doorway.

Watching Sara walk away, Grissom couldn't evade his wandering mind. _What is this all about? Why does she want to talk to me? She talks to you all the time, Gil. But this is different. It's just different._

* * *

Hearing a stifled groan emanate from Sara's direction, Warrick looked up from his paperwork and glanced at her. Sara was stiffly hunched over her paperwork, and her free hand idly rubbed her back. Deciding to ignore the sound for the moment, Warrick turned back toward his paperwork and continued filling out information. When he heard a soft hiss a few minutes later, he became more concerned and looked back at Sara again. "Sara, is everything…" Warrick started, but was cutoff by Sara's abrupt movement out of the chair. 

"Warrick, I'll be right back," Sara said, leaving the room and heading for the bathroom.

Worried by her pallor and apparent unease, Warrick gravitated to the door to make sure she reached the ladies' room alright. Noting the time from his watch, Warrick vowed to check on her if she didn't return within ten minutes.

* * *

"Are you sure you're feeling up to this, Sara?" Nick asked as they walked out to the parking lot, "Warrick told me you weren't feeling so well at the beginning of your shift, and I've got to tell you; you don't look so good." 

"Why thank you, Nick," Sara said facetiously.

"Really, Sara, how are you?" Nick questioned in earnest.

Sara thought of the one thing that would make Nick leave her alone. "Nick, it's just one of those female perks; I'm sure…" Sara started, but Nick cut her off as soon as he realized what she was going to talk about.

"You can relax on the way to the scene," Nick offered, "It looks like we've got a pretty long drive."

Knowing she was successful, Sara smiled inwardly and continued toward the vehicle.

* * *

Throughout the entire drive, Nick kept a close eye on Sara, knowing that she was trying to block out her pain. When a slight moan slipped from her lips and her arms wrapped tighter around her stomach, he frowned. _Is this normal? This can't be normal. _Hoping she would feel better and not wanting to address the issue, Nick continued driving toward the scene, considering that the faster they got finished processing, the faster she could go home.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

"Nick, please, pull over," Sara pleaded, one arm wrapped around her stomach and the other pressed against her mouth.

Taking a quick glance at Sara's pale, worried face, Nick did what she asked and pulled to the side of the road. Opening the door and stumbling onto the sandy, rocky soil, Sara doubled over and lost the small contents of her stomach. Another wave of pain wracked her body as dry heaves took over, and Nick came to her side to try and support her. Sara dropped to her knees when the pain assaulted her back once again. "Nick, it hurts," Sara mumbled, wrapped both of her arms tightly around her stomach.

Taking a moment to try and figure out what was happening to her body, Sara realized the major cause of her pain. "Sara, I'm bringing you to the hospital," Nick stated worriedly, lifting her to her feet, watching her face go pale again.

_Something is definitely wrong. _After helping her back into the vehicle, Nick turned around and headed back toward Las Vegas. _It's letting go so I don't have to let him go._

* * *

Choosing to call Catherine to dispatch someone else to their scene, Nick had yet to call Grissom. By the time they had arrived at the hospital, Sara had said enough so that Nick could hypothesize as to what was occurring, but she had pleaded with him the entire ride to wait to call Grissom. He had stalled as long as possible to try and stay true to Sara's wishes, but now sitting in the waiting room, Nick knew that he had to call Grissom. _What do I say?_

* * *

"Nick, where is she?" Grissom asked frantically when he entered the waiting room. 

"Griss, just take a seat; you can't go to her right now," Nick tried to explain.

"Why do you mean?" Grissom questioned, his heart racing in his chest and the strain on his voice noticeable.

"The doctor said that she would be out as soon as she was done with Sara. Until then, you just have to sit here and wait."

Grissom slumped into a chair near Nick and put his head into his hands. "Nick, what happened?" Grissom asked, his voice flooding with defeat, "How long have you been here?"

Noticing the doctor reentering the waiting room, Nick breathed a sigh of relief that he wouldn't have to be the one to tell Grissom. "Mr. Stokes, I can take you back to where Ms. Sidle is. We will be ready to release her shortly," the doctor explained.

"That won't be necessary," Nick stated, "this is Mr. Grissom, Sara's emergency contact; he should go back with you."

"Ms. Sidle specifically requested that you be the only one to see her, Mr. Stokes," the doctor reiterated.

Grissom's face fell with the realization that Sara didn't want to see him. _What is she hiding from me? _"Grissom, come with me; I'll talk to her and get her to see you. Doctor, if you could show us the way," Nick said and gestured to where the doctor had appeared from.

The doctor nodded and the two men followed her.

* * *

"Nick, if you could just take me home, I'd greatly appreciate it," Sara spoke, sliding off of the bed to put her shoes on. 

Where she had worn black slacks before, she now wore hospital scrubs with her aquamarine t-shirt. She moved stiffly over to the chair where she sat down to put her shoes on. "Sara, maybe you'd like to talk…" Nick started, but then his words dissolved.

"What is there to talk about?" Sara said flippantly, "There wasn't supposed to be a baby and now there isn't."

Listening from his position outside of the door, it took every ounce of Grissom's mental capacity to keep him from barging into the room and pulling Sara into his arms. _She was pregnant? She knew? She's been acting weird; she left her birth control; she wanted to talk after shift. _Grissom's heart sunk when he realized that he had told her that he didn't want children. _Well, I didn't say exactly that but close enough. That's why she was so hesitant about talking to me._

"Sara, I called Grissom, and he's here to see you," Nick stated, and before she could interrupt, he continued, "he…"

"He realizes that he has said some pretty stupid things this past week," Grissom explained walking into the room, "but he would like to take you home so he can discuss some things with you and apologize."

Nick stepped away from Sara and took Grissom's former position outside of the room. "Honey, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say," Grissom admitted, resting his hand on her knee.

Sara smiled, hoping to dispel her tears. "Grissom, I didn't want it either," Sara confessed, "but I didn't end this."

"I know that; it's not your fault," Grissom said compassionately, rubbing his thumb against her knee.

The two fell silent, and Sara stared off into space. "Sara, what did I do?" Grissom asked, wanting to blame something, "What did I do wrong?"

"Besides partake in the festivities? Nothing," Sara stated, clearing his blame, "If you could get my discharge papers, I'd like to go home. We need to talk about a lot of things."

"Sara…" Grissom started, but Sara shook her head.

"Not here, Gil. I want to go home," Sara said firmly.

"Okay, we'll go home," Grissom decided, holding out his hand so he could help Sara up from the chair.

_What have I done?_

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

"I need to tell you something," Sara stated, sitting beside Grissom on his couch, leaning against his side with her feet on the couch.

Grissom ran his hand soothingly along the length of her arm. "Sure, honey," Grissom said, continuing the repetitive motion on her arm.

_Well, I better just tell him the truth; he'll take it better that way. _"I didn't go to San Francisco," Sara admitted, "I took time off so I could stay in my apartment and think."

When Grissom didn't say anything, Sara continued her confessions. "I found out I was pregnant when they went to take x-rays of my arm the other day. I realized that I don't always take my birth control pills as religiously as I should, and they wanted to run a pregnancy test to make sure that I wasn't pregnant. Well, surprise, surprise, I was."

Sara pulled her arms tighter to her chest, trying to give herself a sense of security and push her demons out through her mouth. "All I could remember was you saying that you didn't want to have kids," Sara spoke, her voice breaking, "I could never take a life, so I was trying to figure out how I could let you go. I couldn't figure out a way."

Grissom pulled Sara closer to his body as a few of her tears started to fall. "I decided that I would tell you today after shift. If you decided that you couldn't deal with that, I thought that you would let me go, and then I wouldn't have to figure out a way to let you go," Sara babbled, upset that she had lied in the first place, and feeling confused about what they would do now.

Grissom turned Sara around in his arms and raised his hands to her cheeks. "You should have told me what you were feeling," Grissom stated, "You should have trusted me with the information instead of hiding it from me."

"Yes, I realize that now," Sara acknowledged, sniffling and trying to end her tears.

"Sara, I told you that I didn't need children. If the situation arose, I guess we'd take that a day at a time and figure things out together. I don't need children, but that doesn't make me adverse to the idea of children," Grissom clarified.

"Okay," Sara said, nodding.

Sara diverted her eyes and took a deep breath. Grissom dropped his hands from her face and patted her thigh. "I still want to make you breakfast," Sara spoke, trying to break the tension.

"No, you need to rest. We're going on vacation for a few days," Grissom decided, "that is if you agree."

"Where?" Sara asked, curious as to what he was suggesting.

"Marina Del Rey. There are some things that I want to share with you. It hurts me that you were scared, and you didn't feel that you could trust me. I think we need to spend some time together and rebuild some trust," Grissom detailed.

Sara nodded and dropped her head. Grissom carefully pulled her into his lap and kissed the top of her head. "We'll get through this," Grissom assured.

Sara wrapped her arms around Grissom's neck and rested her head on his shoulder. "I want to paint the bedroom tan," Sara whispered into his ear.

Grissom chuckled, kissed her cheek, and then pulled her back to peck her lips. By investing in each other instead of their individual ideologies, they would figure out a way to better communicate and trust in each other once again.

* * *

The End

* * *


End file.
